This place they call my home

As of the end of March, this town has been my home for six years. It still does not feel like home to me. It is a strange town---one greatly divided. The town is run mainly by two logging mills, which employ numerous average working class families. This town is also home to a Native American Tribe, many live here still today.

Strangely this town is also made up of many socially elite people. A good group of them are innertwined with the school which directly affects me. However I really do not fit in with them, except on their terms. I have found that I am mostly disgusted by their attitude towards others and their ability to shun or degrade someone without ever saying a word. Most of these women call themselves Christians and are never above reminding you of this on a daily basis. They sure aren't good examples of one however....On a daily basis I walk on eggshells, wondering if I will be on their "Hello" side or "Ignore" side.

DH and I are in a strange place these days. Most people our ages have children in high school and grade school. We have neither. I think, at times, we are purposely left out of gatherings due to that fact. People feel that we would not enjoy hanging out kids and having our every conversation be about them. In fact, we would love nothing more than to be involved in those. Even if we choose to adopt, we will still be in a strange place. While most of our friends children will then be in High school or college, we will just be starting out.

Since being in this town, all I have ever wanted is to have the friendships that I had while I was in Oregon. I have never considered myself someone hard to get along with and have, in fact, always had an adundance of friends. So, this has been a new and very sad experience for me. I have hoped and had plans of just giving up on finding that one friend or friends that would be there for me like I have had in the past. However, I am the type of person who just needs and has to have friends around to survive. So I still wait for that one person to fill that empty void that I have had forever.....

DH has promised that once we retire, we can move anywhere I want. I seriously count those days....every day. I can't wait to find a new place to call home....