I have struggled with this blog. Do I go serious? Do I go the humorous route? Do I write the truth? Do I make up funny stories? Do I include my family without their consent? What do I do?
I have realized that some days are more serious than others. There are days where, as hard as I try, I couldn’t squeeze a lick of juice out of an overripe orange if my life depended upon it. Those are the days where I am blank. Nothing computes. Nothing comes to mind about what to write. Nothing in my head makes me laugh. Nothing in my head makes sense. Some days I am just off.
I’m not sure why some days are that way. Maybe something on t.v. has rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe I didn’t get enough sleep. Maybe my husband put too much water in the ice tea pitcher. Maybe the shirt I wanted to wear had a spot on it. Who really knows?
However, there are times when a subject pops into my head and I cannot shake it. I think about if for days. Some subjects are not ones I care to write about….and others I can’t find the words to put into writing. I have a million thoughts in this head of mine but some of them just don’t make any sense by the time they get to my mouth or the tips of my fingers. Some thoughts stay and as time goes on, the thoughts become more vivid and more concrete. Bullying is one of those thoughts.
Bullying has been on my mind for days if not weeks. You see, bullying hits very close to home for me. I was never the target of daily or constant bullying but someone I love was. In fact, bullying almost cost this person their life. And, every singe day, she struggles because of words or actions that happened over 20 years ago. Bullying is a life sentence.
Imagine going to school every.single.day knowing that you will be the target of someone in some hallway of the one place that is supposed to keep you safe. Imagine waking up every morning knowing that you would be that target. Imagine dreading school with every single thing that you have and still having to go as no one knew what you were going through. Imagine the people that you thought or hoped were your friends were the ones doing some of the bullying. And, because they were supposed to be your friends, that bullying would be of the worst form possible.
There are nights that I wake up sad or mad or sick to my stomach. I was one of the few people that should have protected her and I didn’t. I should have been the one to stick up for her, to stand up and speak for her when she couldn’t. And, if that didn’t work, I should have been the one to raise my fist and make sure that not another demeaning word could come out of that person’s mouth.
Why was she picked to be the daily target for some? Was it her hair color? Was it due to an overactive skin condition, which like a lot of teenagers, caused acne? Was it due to her name? Was it because she walked the halls with her head hung down, scared to look anyone in the eyes? Was it because she was already had a low self esteem? What was it because of?
For years none of us knew how bad it was. It finally took a period in her life, she almost ending everything, for us to realize how bad it really was. Even then, we still really didn’t know the depth of it. I doubt we still do. Every once in while, a little more of the picture will be revealed, and when it is, I feel like I’ve been socked in the gut once again. I’ll probably never know how bad it really was as time does seem to heal some things. However, I do know that it was bad. It was bad enough that, to this day, it still haunts her. It has caused her to not have a lot of friends, to settle for things she wouldn’t have thought to settle for at one time, to question motives of anything and everyone, and to not have a positive self image.
For me, one of the saddest moments of truth was realizing that young ladies, who were supposed to be her friends, her church mates, her cheerleaders, were some of the worst torturers of all times. I still tear up at the thought of how mean they were to her, how hard she tried to fit in, and how much harder that made them work at making her feel worthless. I often wonder if they even remember their words and their actions…because she sure does. Do they have any idea the pain they caused? Do they feel guilty about it? Do they even remember being that cruel? Mostly, are they still that cruel? Still so self centered that they will do whatever it takes to make themselves feel better? Do they have any idea???
I have, at times, wanted to write them, to scold them, to yell at them, to let them know that bullying is a life sentence for some and that they were the ones who personally handed that sentence to her.. I have wanted to tell them that I hope they never have to live this life sentence, if not themselves, but have to watch their children suffer through it. I have wanted to tell them that the things they said and did or didn’t do still haunt her to this day. Those things still make it almost impossible for her to rise in the morning or to make it through some days. Those things still make it hard for her to look in the mirror and realize that she is worth something and that she is beautiful. Those things, those words, those actions, still are etched in her mind like it was yesterday.
More than anything, I wish that a simple “I am sorry” could fix the hurt, the pain, the memories of years ago. However, I’m very aware that is not the case. I’m very aware that those words would probably mean nothing to her. If nothing else, I hope that they have learned somehow the pain they have caused her. I hope that they have realized you cannot treat someone like that and not have it make a lasting impression. I hope they have realized what they have done and that they have truly felt remorse and guilt for what they have done. I hope they have somehow forgiven themselves….
She will be fine. She will raise her family the best she can. She will be a wonderful mother who, without a doubt, will teach her children that tolerance is the only acceptable way to live with people. She will learn to love herself the best way she knows how. She will learn that she is loved. And hopefully, she will never hear those words or see those actions again. And, hopefully she will only be surrounded by kind, tolerant, and loving people.
If you never teach your children anything else ….please teach your children that tolerance is a must. Help them realize that, while they may only be bullying a child in grade school, that will most certainly help shape who that little person becomes. Teach them that even if it doesn’t seem bad to us, we have no idea how hurtful and damaging those words or actions can become. Teach them that, because of bullying, some young people have felt the only way to get relief from that unbearable pain was to end their lives. Would you want your child to be responsible for that ending?
Unfortunately, as young children, we don’t have the ability to see what our actions will become at a later date. We don’t realize how permanent something can become. It’s our job to make sure children know. Even if we don’t have our own children, it is still our job to help mold these children into caring, tolerant, and loving individuals. It is our job.
This new school year is fast upon us. As it approaches, I have decided to make some changes within myself. I will, no matter what the situation, approach and confront every form of bullying I see. I will approach the child who is being bullied and I will listen to them. I want them to know they are important and they are loved. I want them to know that they are worth something. I want them to know those words or actions are simply not true. There have been times where I have turned the other cheek when I knew better. I wonder what I could have prevented? I will also approach the bullier. I will confront them on their actions and let them know that is not accepted. I will do everything in my power to make sure that not one more child has to grow up with a life sentence.
Tolerance…that is what it is all about.
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