Hugs

I talked to my Mom yesterday after a restless night. I was concerned that Bear hadn't found out yet that Steve had passed away. Since my Mom hadn't heard for Bear, we assumed that he didn't know yet. Our assumption was correct.

Bear called later to fill my parents in. He was devastated as I suspected he would be. He repeatedly told my Mom that he just needed a hug. My heart literally broke for him. Of course he needed a hug, he lost a great friend who he could relate to at such a personal level. If I could have jumped through the phone line I would have hugged him a million times plus one. He so needed to have his family.

My mom decided to go pick him up (he lives in a group home about 20 minutes from them--another post for later) and have him spend the night with them. She and Bear will then drive two hours today to go to Steve's graveside service. When she told me she was doing this, my eyes watered up. What a wonderful way for Bear to be able to say Goodbye, in his own way, to Steve. Today has been a pretty subdued day for me as I so wish I lived closer to them and could have gone with them. I know Steve is in a much better place, swimming his heart out, but he will surely be missed by all he touched.

I am anxious to talk to my Mom tonight to find out how Bear handled the day. It is so hard to know what is going on inside his mind and heart in situations like this. He has such a hard time communicating so his being able to express that he needed hugs was a big thing for him. Because of Bear's disabilities, he is always around others with problems as well. Some of them much worse. For only being 3o years old, he has experienced a lot of death within his circle. Many are not very healthy and are considerably older than him. Two of his housemates are in ill health as well and we know the time is soon for them. I only hope that he can somehow understand all of this and make some sense of it.

I only wish I was closer to hug him. Love ya Bear!